Trump Escalates Trade War, Blames Japan For 9/11 Terror Attacks

"They're wandering around New York taking pictures of everything, and you just expect us to think they're here to take home our pets for dinner?"

After blaming Canada for burning the White House during the War of 1812, Donald Trump has turned his attention to Japanese imports of anime and sushi. He has promised to slap stiff tariffs on anime, causing another trade war with a G7 member, asking Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe why terrorists from his country caused 9/11.

“It’s not hard to spot them, they’re wandering around New York taking pictures of everything, and you just expect us to think they’re here to trade and to take home our pets for dinner?”

“It isn’t all bad, my Trump Tower was the tallest building in New York after 9/11, so I do have to thank your people for that.”

Shocked aides tried to remind Trump that he was not only on live camera, but that the hijackers were from the Middle East, not Japan.

“Believe me, I have the most tremendous memory. I clearly remember seeing them dancing in the streets after the towers went down. I even told Alex Jones about it once.”

Abe was expected to return to Florida to golf with Trump, although Japan’s prime minister might be afraid he might accidentally fall into a gator-filled water hazard, instead of into a bunker like last time.

Reached for comments, Rudy Guiliani was unavailable, presumably heading to commit seppuku before he could be loaded into a dog crate and tied to the top of Air Force One.

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Alexander Jones

Investigative reporter battling Obama's Deep State, uncovering globalist conspiracies. No relation to InfoWars' Alex Jones, who is really a disinformation agent for the New World Order. Buy MY supplements and prepper supplies!

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