BREAKING: NRA President Oliver North Can’t Wait To Vote For Hillary In 2020

Washington, DC - NRA president Oliver North has run into some bad news lately. Sources inside the NRA have revealed that North has been seen repeatedly refreshing the organization’s bank accounts, and frantically emailing donors as far away as Moscow at all hours of the night.

According to The Daily Beast, the NRA is losing money in the age of Trump, and it’s not looking good for their future.

The nation’s leading gun-rights organization saw its income drop by $55 million last year, after a record-breaking 2016 in which the group and its political affiliates spent unprecedented sums to elect President Donald Trump.

The National Rifle Association of America reported $98 million in contributions in 2017, down from nearly $125 million in 2016, according to new tax records obtained by The Daily Beast. Nearly one-fifth of its contributions last year came from a single anonymous donor, who chipped in nearly $19 million to the group. (Source)

Things have become so dire at the NRA that North and other high-ranking members, along with the gun industry have come up with a daring scheme: secretly supporting and funding a possible Hillary Clinton campaign in 2020.

We were able to obtain this statement from someone inside the NRA:

“Nothing sells guns better than a Democrat in office. Obama was our best advertising tool for 8 years, and gun sales have just slumped since Trump took office. Stupid 22nd Amendment. There’s only one thing to do, elect Hillary. If Trump wins again, we’re totally fucked.

We haven’t found a way yet to pitch this to our base, but we’ll come up with something in the next year. Perhaps a poorly edited picture of Hillary Clinton and Ted Nugent spooning while caressing an assault rifle will win them over. Trust me, our remaining members are paranoid and stupid as fuck.”

North was also seen carefully planning a one-way flight to Nicaragua, just in case the NRA runs out of money before 2020.

We will keep you up to date with this breaking story.

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John Barron

I am definitely not Donald Trump. No sir, not me. You must be thinking of somebody else.

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