News
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East Coast Renames Itself “Mar-A-Lago” So Trump Will Care About Hurricane Dorian
Raleigh, NC – North Carolina governor Roy Cooper announced at a press conference that governors from Georgia to New Jersey…
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Gulf Coast Stocks Up On Thoughts And Prayers Before 2019 Hurricane Season
Houston, Texas – In preparation for the 2019 hurricane season, the Gulf Coast from Tampa to Houston isn’t taking any…
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DENIED: Queen Elizabeth Refuses America’s Request To Rejoin British Rule
London, England – A hot new petition on Change.org is requesting for Queen Elizabeth to overlook the 1776 Declaration of…
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Lafayette, Louisiana Sheriff’s Department Announces Major Bust of Girl Scouts Thin Mints Ring
Lafayette, LA – Lafayette Parish deputies made a huge bust Wednesday night, confiscating approximately $5,000 in Girl Scout cookies, and…
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PROGRESS: Kentucky Plans To Replace Confederate Monuments With Statue of Colonel Sanders
The following statement was issued by the governor’s office: “We’re tired of being told the statues are racist, so we’re…
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BREAKING: NRA President Oliver North Can’t Wait To Vote For Hillary In 2020
Washington, DC – NRA president Oliver North has run into some bad news lately. Sources inside the NRA have revealed…
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Canada Orders Troops To Block American Migrant Caravan Wanting Legal Weed And Free Healthcare
Ottawa, CA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered Canadian troops to the border with the United States in order…
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