New York, New York – Local news is reporting Donald Trump has announced an executive order to deport the Statue of Liberty. According to the Department of Homeland Security, Lady Liberty is sending the wrong message to foreigners who think they can escape their current shithole country, and come to America.
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders claims that this move is long overdue, and removing the beloved statue will help curb the flow of immigrants seeking asylum from places like Honduras or Guatemala. This is not expected to affect anchor babies from Russia though since Trump has made a deal with Vladimir Putin to send Lady Liberty to a scrapyard somewhere outside of Moscow.
The following poem by Emma Lazarus is what Trump finds so objectionable, and he believes it is encouraging migrants to come to the United States in search of such bizarre things like life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,With conquering limbs astride from land to land;Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand. A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command, the air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she with silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” – Emma Lazarus
The Statue of Liberty is expected to be turned into a Trump hotel, and Ellis Island will be repurposed into an ICE detention facility.