Categories
Entertainment

The Hidden Past of Steve Bannon: Acting in a Star Wars Prequel

Steve Bannon, the troll shaped former Trump staffer, is making news again.  This time it is not for his false political narrative, but for his secret past as an actor.  The Breitbart editor’s acting past includes the ever reviled Star Wars prequel, The Phantom Menace.


Upon meeting Steve Bannon, Star Wars kingpin George Lucas fell in love with the troll shaped humanoid.  Lucas immediately cast Bannon as the Gungan leader Boss Nass.  Not only did this fill a crucial role for the plot of Episode 1, but saved millions in special effects.  The way that Bannon’s gelatinous chins jiggled were the very motions that Lucas desired in the character.  This did require the chins to be scaled down for the 3-D version.  Just as in real life, a movie version of Steve Bannon frightens children.

Steve Bannon’s dialog in the film is based on the way he speaks in real life.  Bannon’s inability to not slobber when speaking heavily influenced Nass’ vocabulary.  Slurred speech and nonsensical phrasing became a trademark of the Gungan characters in the film.  Much like the relationship between the Gungans and the Naboo, Bannon does not get along with the human race at all.  Acting in the film is not the only contribution Steve Bannon made to Star Wars.  Much of the sand, grime, and filth used to create Tattoine came from his many fat rolls and skin lesions.  Ironically, Nass ended up fighting against evil, while in real life, Steve Bannon supports evil.


We reached out to Steve Bannon for comment, he responded by wiping the drool from his many chins and said “Yousa no tinken yousa greater den da Breitbart?  Mesa like dis.  maybe wesa… bein’ friends.”  The staff here at AL vomited in their mouths just a bit.

 

Categories
Entertainment

The Hidden Past of Steve Bannon: Acting in a Star Wars Prequel

Steve Bannon, the troll shaped former Trump staffer, is making news again.  This time it is not for his false political narrative, but for his secret past as an actor.  The Breitbart editor’s acting past includes the ever reviled Star Wars prequel, The Phantom Menace.


Upon meeting Steve Bannon, Star Wars kingpin George Lucas fell in love with the troll shaped humanoid.  Lucas immediately cast Bannon as the Gungan leader Boss Nass.  Not only did this fill a crucial role for the plot of Episode 1, but saved millions in special effects.  The way that Bannon’s gelatinous chins jiggled were the very motions that Lucas desired in the character.  This did require the chins to be scaled down for the 3-D version.  Just as in real life, a movie version of Steve Bannon frightens children.

Steve Bannon’s dialog in the film is based on the way he speaks in real life.  Bannon’s inability to not slobber when speaking heavily influenced Nass’ vocabulary.  Slurred speech and nonsensical phrasing became a trademark of the Gungan characters in the film.  Much like the relationship between the Gungans and the Naboo, Bannon does not get along with the human race at all.  Acting in the film is not the only contribution Steve Bannon made to Star Wars.  Much of the sand, grime, and filth used to create Tattoine came from his many fat rolls and skin lesions.  Ironically, Nass ended up fighting against evil, while in real life, Steve Bannon supports evil.


We reached out to Steve Bannon for comment, he responded by wiping the drool from his many chins and said “Yousa no tinken yousa greater den da Breitbart?  Mesa like dis.  maybe wesa… bein’ friends.”  The staff here at AL vomited in their mouths just a bit.

 

Categories
Technology

Relieved Bobby Jindal Presents Ajit Pai With His ‘Most Hated Indian-American In U.S.’ Award



Baton Rouge, LA - Former Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal has mostly disappeared from public life after 2 terms in office. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to secure a job with the Trump administration have proven unsuccessful, including a job application as a White House gift shop clerk under his real name, Piyush Jindal.

Until now, Bobby Jindal has held the title of “Most-Hated Indian-American” after 8 years as Louisiana’s governor, an award presented to him by Louisiana residents on his way out of office.

Today that dubious honor was lifted off his shoulders, as Ajit Pai cast the deciding vote to end Net Neutrality. Jindal emptied his kid’s piggy banks and hopped an economy flight to Washington, DC to pass on his trophy to Ajit Pai.

“It takes a boy to fuck a state. It takes a real man like Ajit Pai to fuck a country” stated Jindal as he handed his award off to Ajit Pai in front of the media.

Jindal was last seen hustling bootleg MAGA hats at Dulles International Airport in hopes of scoring a cheap flight back to Baton Rouge. Reports confirm he was also stopping by Breitbart headquarters, just in case someone might be hiring a fluffer for Steve Bannon.