WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the Joe Biden inauguration less than 24 hours away, President Trump has awarded a lucrative military contract to MyPillow CEO and part-time Paul Bearer impersonator Mike Lindell, to build a brand new pillow fort on the Southern border.
Trump is spending his final day in office making last-minute decisions and orders before leaving the White House, such as pardoning criminals and family members – although the Venn diagram does heavily overlap on these two things.
The contract was awarded at a low-key ceremony today, with Trump explaining why Lindell received it.
“Well we need extra protection on the Southern border”, he explained, “We built the wall, the big beautiful wall. It goes on as far as the eye can see. But we need a little more protection to keep the bad hombres out.
Mike has the best pillows around, nobody knows more about pillows than Mike. And then I heard about these things called pillow forts, and I said “wow, that sounds great. I bet Mike could build a big, beautiful one”, which I know he can. And he will, believe me.
He’s agreed to use his very, very affordable pillows and build a big, tall, pillow fort right there on the border. We want to protect our brave border patrol, and Mike will do that. You won’t see another pillow fort like it. It’ll be spectacular.”
Lindell is expected to drive down to the border next week to begin the arrangement of pillows, and it is expected to be complete in the coming months.