WASHINGTON, D.C. – After seeing the New Years fireworks display that graces the Sydney Harbor Bridge every year on a network news channel, President Trump today frantically called Australia’s Prime Minister Scott Morrison demanding to know how they manage to get out of 2020.
Aids and other close staff reported that he was acting more manic than usual after seeing Australians celebrating the ringing in of 2021, and immediately made the call to try and pry information from the PM.
“Prime Minister, President Trump here. I just saw on the news that you’re in 2021 now” he said, “I gotta ask Scott, how the hell did you do that? We’re still stuck in 2020 over here and it’s terrible. Just terrible. It’s been a very bad year and we’d like to leave it. I’m gonna need to know Prime Minister, I’m going to need to know right now.
Do I need to pay someone? I’m sure I can squeeze some more cash out of my supporters. Who do I have to pay? I can give whoever it is whatever they need. They can have Don Jr. Or Eric. Or hell, they can take them both. Whatever it takes, just tell me how we get out of this year.”
Clearly not understanding how the progression of linear time works, he allegedly became more and more frustrated before slamming the phone down and shouting for Steve Mnuchin to see if the Trump Org small business loan had been approved yet.