NASCAR Announces Plans To Give Confederate Flag To Driver That Finishes 2nd

DAYTONA BEACH, FL - NASCAR shocked the modern - and not so modern - world today, after announcing that they will be banning all confederate flags from appearing at races.

Racists across the country have no doubt taken the news to heart, likely crying into their moonshine about a future without “muh heritage” flags at the zoom-zoom-left-turn-only event.

However NASCAR did clarify today that the confederate flag will still be available to see in one location, as the driver that finishes in 2nd place will be given one as a homage to the confederacy also coming 2nd in the Civil War.

The news is likely to be somewhat of a relief to the predominantly MAGA crowd, remaining a way that allows them to still watch the cars go by AND get jerked off by their cousin-sister over the sight of that ol’ flag.

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Guybrush Threepwood

Hi, I'm Guybrush. Not Gorbush, not Frygosh, not Monsieur Tweephood, and certainly not Mr. Spicecake. Guybrush. I used to desperately want to be a pirate, however after many fruitless endeavors and being involved in a number of monkey-related incidents and quarrels with a chap named LeChuck, I turned my attentions to my second love - journalism. I'm here to bring you the latest news from here, there and everywhere. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or later tonight.

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