Atlanta, GA – With Pride Month upon us, Chick-fil-A is rolling out a sauce to counter the “ungodly” LGBTQ movement, according to company spokesman Dick Gozinya.
Chick-fil-A has a long history of funding anti-LGBTQ causes, and they’re taking it to a new level with a sauce that celebrates the struggle of the long-oppressed heterosexuals of the world.
“We take pride in our sandwiches. When you put our delicious chicken meat in your mouth, we want a flavor explosion in your mouth, but not in a gay way. Our Straight Pride Sauce is a proprietary blend of mayonnaise, Lysol to own the libs, freshly squeezed lemon juice that will make you pucker a little, plus our secret combination of spices. This LGBTQ Month is an affront to God, and while we all fall short of His glory, our sandwiches never will.”
Popeye’s, a competitor of Chick-fil-A, released a response to the “Straight Pride Sauce” announcement that simply read “Fuck yo sauce.”