Washington, DC - Donald Trump added his name to the Vietnam Memorial this weekend, to the fanfare of hundreds of supporters.
“I am bestowing this great honor upon myself, as nothing compares to dodging STDs like I did. I feel like I served and sacrificed. It was indeed my personal Vietnam” said Trump.
We were there as Trump added his signature with a giant orange flourish, and interviewed a few veterans who applauded the newest name on the wall.
“I served 3 tours in Vietnam. I was wounded four times and watched a buddy’s head explode right in front of me. But that pales in comparison to the danger our great President faced in dodging STDs in the jungles of New York’s social scene in the 70s. If I could award him a Purple Heart myself, I would do it in an instant.” stated Vietnam veteran and Purple Heart recipient Dick Gozinya from Boogertown, North Carolina.
“They say that there is no greater love than a man lay down his life for his brother, but that’s wrong. Nobody has loved and sacrificed like Donald Trump.” said Korean War veteran Peter Dingle of Intercourse, PA.
“Planting a flag into the top of Iwo Jima was the greatest moment of my service, but that doesn’t compare to all the times Donald Trump planted himself into women. We took that island by force, he took them by force. Truly remarkable man.” stated WWII vet and Medal of Honor recipient Dick Johnson.
Park police assured us it will take all of about 20 seconds to erase Trump’s signature, as crayon is very easy to remove.