Austin, TX - Ryan Rand, a local hipster who likes to say “both parties are the same” has been toying with the notion of ending it all with a bicycle chain while listening to YouTube videos of Ayan Rand.
Ryan has been distraught since the other day, when the federal government shut down. No longer can he ride his fixie through government parks, and has been stuck at home since he sent his last $27 to Bernie Sanders as a protest to the Libertarian Party for “being too statist.” (Whatever the fuck that means.)
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