Raleigh, NC - After careful consideration, Golden Corral, the nation’s leading casual dining buffet restaurant, has decided to get directly to diners by extending the local line for fried shrimp all the way to Seattle.
Company CEO Lance Trenary believes that the nation’s obesity epidemic isn’t bad enough, and discerning consumers in such places like Hucklefuck, Arkansas are missing out on the chain’s unique dining experience.
“Until you have stood in line for soft serve at the end of your 3,000 calorie meal and had the sprinkles handled by at least 3 kids with snotty hands, you don’t know what you’re missing out on.
Plus, Mom and Pop out in Listeria, Kansas might not want to spend 20 each at Chili’s at happy hour since it gets in the way of watching Hannity in the evening. Rest assured, Golden Corral is announcing that we will be extending our buffet into a series of pipelines that will be reach a buffet near you.
If you’re wondering about the quality of the food, we can promise you that we plan to maintain our record of questionable food safety, as well those same stains on the table that you have come to expect from us.”
Pipeline expansion is expected to take about the same amount of time it takes to get a clean table on a Sunday after church.