San Francisco, CA - An individual claiming to be the son of the notorious Zodiac Killer has come forward to set the record straight that he was not Senator Ted Cruz of Texas.
Mr. Stewart has insisted that while his father was likely a serial killer who terrorized California in the late 1960’s, he was no monster when compared to Ted Cruz.
“My father may have killed a few people, but Ted Cruz wants to kill millions of Americans who can’t afford healthcare. I mean, shit…the number of folks who could die if Ted gets his way, that could rival the Holocaust. I think we need to concentrate on who the real monster here is.”
When reached for comments, Ted Cruz was busy trying to stifle lizard tears over Beto O’Rourke being endorsed by Houston’s leading newspaper, instead of him.
The Texas senator was last seen entering the White House, asking Trump to tell him his wife was ugly and that his father was involved with the JFK assassination once again, for old time’s sake.