Washington, DC - With word that John McCain has elected to end treatment for his brain cancer, White House staff quickly made a search for crayons and construction paper so Donald Trump could get it out of the way before another busy golf weekend.
We obtained a rough draft of the letter, which was short and to the point, and heavily edited by the one White House press intern with a fraction of a soul left.
Dear
LoserSenator John McCain,
Melania said I had to be nice and write you a goodbye letter.I am very sorry to hear that you will not be with us much longer. Your service and sacrifice for our nation will never be forgotten.
Will you be selling your property, and how much is it valued at?
I still prefer senators who didn’t get brain cancer.You and your family will be bigly in ourfamily’snation’s prayers.
Sucks to be you.Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
P.S. Ivanka is still hotter than Meghan. I win!
Trump then fired off a quick Tweet blaming McCain for him missing his 2 o’clock tee time at Bedminster, before grabbing his sand wedge and boarding Marine One.
