Hidden inside Donald Trump’s executive order consigning asylum seekers and their children into indefinite detention, there is a small provision which authorizes his new Space Force to find a final solution.
After cutting funding for low-income families and seniors, the cost savings will be passed on to construct space cattle cars which will make one-way trips to the Sun, possibly via a new hyperloop constructed by Elon Musk.
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders claimed that rumors of another Holocaust were completely “fake news” and asked why the press wasn’t more concerned about the millions of Americans who are unable to experience the Sun up close and personally.
“These kids are going to get a tremendous trip into space beyond our flat Earth, the final solution, that most of us white Americans could never imagine. Their space cattle cars are equipped with the best recreational systems. They have lawns, pool tables, and even monthly video chats with their parents. According to an old proverb from our Great Eternal Leader’s ancestors, work makes you free. They’ll be fine, trust me.”
Sources in Paul Ryan‘s office say that the Speaker approves of this plan, so long as it doesn’t interfere with his bow-hunting trips that target the poorest Americans.