Trump Blames Obama For The Continental U.S. Losing An Hour Tonight, Vows To Bring Them Back

MOON TOWNSHIP, Pa. - Upon learning that Daylight Savings Time takes effect tonight and will force him to lose an hour of sleep, President Trump ripped into Barack Obama claiming that it was yet another failed project that the ex-president oversaw.

Speaking at a campaign rally for Rick Saccone, President Trump was enraged that Obama shamelessly took an hour away each year from America and claimed that he would do his utmost to “bring them back”.

“What the hell are we doing putting the clocks back every year?”, he said, “It’s incredible. Time is money, and we’re just taking them away. Another failed Obama project! How many hours has the U.S. lost because of it? A hell of a lot. We need to bring them back!”

“I mean, it’s simple science. If we keep taking these hours away we’re going to be left with no hours in the day! And you know damn well that Crooked Killary would have just kept taking them away too!”

“No more though, folks. We’re going to bring all of those hours back and put them back into America. More hours means more time for the hard working folks to make money and put more food on the table. Hell, we might even bring back more than we lost!”

Trump received a rousing reception for the claim, and supporters of the president were encouraged by his words.

“I’d love to get all of those hours back that Odumbo took away”, said local supporter Richard Quinn, “He gutted the middle class by giving us less hours in the day to work. Every single Spring, without fail, this would happen. It made me so mad.”

“President Trump truly is making America great again and will continue to with actions like this.”

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Guybrush Threepwood

Hi, I'm Guybrush. Not Gorbush, not Frygosh, not Monsieur Tweephood, and certainly not Mr. Spicecake. Guybrush. I used to desperately want to be a pirate, however after many fruitless endeavors and being involved in a number of monkey-related incidents and quarrels with a chap named LeChuck, I turned my attentions to my second love - journalism. I'm here to bring you the latest news from here, there and everywhere. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or later tonight.

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