Paul Ryan Disappointed To Find That ‘Working Class Getting Fucked‚Äô Yields No Results On Pornhub

The Speaker of The House has expressed his concern to the adult film industry

Washington, DC -¬†Claiming that it‚Äôs the only thing that will make him “climax like a monster” this Valentine‚Äôs Day, House Speaker Paul Ryan was more than disappointed not to find any results for ‘working class getting fucked‚Äô on popular porn site Pornhub.

Ryan, who spent most of today giddy with excitement over the prospect of blowing his load over his favorite niche fetish, was reported to have thrown his phone at the bathroom wall in anger after realizing that there were no related videos available online to tug one off to.

“No! No! God damn it no!”, he was heard to have shouted from behind the locked bathroom door with his ‘Ass Wednesday‚Äô boxer briefs around his ankles, “There must be something on here! Are you serious? I bought a brand new box of Wet Ones for nothing? Jesus Christ, looks like it‚Äôs the ebony category again. God damn it.”

Being an enterprising Republican, Paul Ryan has consulted with his colleagues, and reached out to Pornhub to remedy the issue.

According to our sources, he has pleaded with Donald Trump to get Stormy Daniels to star in a series of films designed to appeal to older conservatives who enjoy niche fetishes like cuckolding.

Paul Ryan has also signed on one of his colleagues to appear in a film tentatively titled “Donald Does the Deficit” - where a sitting congressman watches Donald Trump screw his desperate district long and hard.

“I‚Äôve already spoken with Congressman Clay Higgins from Louisiana who has previously appeared in adult films. He has personal experience with not only watching working class people in his district get screwed, but his wife as well. He‚Äôs a natural for this film, and I just can‚Äôt get hard anymore watching desperate women turn tricks for food stamps.”

Filming is expected to begin as soon as Clay Higgins can schedule some time away from drawing pictures of Uranus in his new role at the House Space and Science Committee.

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Alexander Jones

Investigative reporter battling Obama's Deep State, uncovering globalist conspiracies. No relation to InfoWars' Alex Jones, who is really a disinformation agent for the New World Order. Buy MY supplements and prepper supplies!

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