VARISVAARA, SECTOR #11823/GSG – Despite losing in the Alabama senate race in December 2017 to democratic rival Doug Jones, Judge Roy Moore is still refusing to concede defeat despite it being the year 2739 – over 700 years since the election took place.
Moore, whose head has been kept alive and preserved in a jar containing H2OGfat since the year 2025, made the announcement at a press conference. He also confirmed that he’d be filing a lawsuit to prevent the senate result. This would be the 1,219th lawsuit that he has filed to try and block said result since the first one at the end of the year 2017.
“I stand here before you and insist that Doug Jones, that evil, demonic democrat, will not represent my beloved state of Alabama* in the senate!”, he proclaimed, “17 million people were bussed into my state on voting night and forced at gunpoint to vote illegally!”
*It is worth noting that Alabama has ceased being a state since all the states of the U.S. were amalgamated into one mega-country during the Great Coalescence of the West in the year 2381.
“Sure, I’ve been waiting on God** for a while now – 722 years to be exact, but he’s probably just a little busy. I’ll keep the faith. I know he’ll come through for me and declare me the one true winner. We will not let Doug Jones*** win!”
**God admitted 722 years ago that he was too busy to deal with Roy.
***Doug Jones has been dead for 701 years
The room full of artificially intelligent post-human beings were seen to chuckle to themselves when the announcement was made, despite being programmed to have absolutely no emotions whatsoever, clearly an indication that even robotic devices have been programmed to notice a fruit loop when they see one.
Paperwork has been filled once again by the Moore campaign, although it is reported that this gets automatically thrown into the recyclables box along with all of the other inserts, ads and campaign flyers (yes, they all still exist).
