Atlanta To Replace Confederate Monuments With 2016 Falcons Super Bowl Memorials

Falcons fans are eager to dwell on a more recent defeat, one with a more surprising outcome

Atlanta, Georgia - Eager to solidify the city’s reputation as a progressive hub in the Deep South, Atlanta officials have decided to replace all remaining Confederate statues with memorials to the 2016-2017 Falcons Super Bowl run.

This decision comes as a great relief to Falcons fans who are eager to mourn a more recent defeat, one with a more surprising outcome, and a little less embarrassing racism.

“We understand that the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead” stated City Council member Glenn Rhee. “However, to be fair, they had a much better chance of winning than the Confederate Army did over 150 years ago. By the time the Union Army got to Georgia, they were burning just about everything in their path, and Jefferson Davis was picking out women’s clothes to hide in for his escape to Mexico.”

The statues will be easy to repurpose and be ready in time for next year’s Super Bowl 52 which may feature Atlanta’s bitter rival, the New Orleans Saints, according to an artistic contractor hired by the city.

“Atlanta is used to losing, have you seen the Braves recently? Sad! It won’t be hard to replace the white flags held by Confederate soldiers with Falcons flags, then just drop a football helmet on each of the statues” proclaimed SCAD student Robin Matthews who was excited to finally put his $100,000 pottery degree to use.

Any unused Confederate monuments will be crushed and used for filling potholes, most likely during rush hour construction for maximum frustration.

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2 thoughts on “Atlanta To Replace Confederate Monuments With 2016 Falcons Super Bowl Memorials”

  1. The only thing to be crushed and used for filling potholes is this idiot’s head. He obviously knows nothing about history. The South was fighting for its independence the same as the colonies did against the British Empire. The Confederates did not lose all of the battles which is why the war lasted 4 years. One of the main reasons that the North won was that the North forced a lot of immigrants fo fight for the North, so they had a continual surge of troops that the South did not have. This so-called writer shows no respect for veterans many whose whereabouts are known only by God. Often these were just teenagers defending their homeland during an invasion. Lincoln got the Union that he wanted by using a bayonet.

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