HUNTSVILLE, AL - Democratic candidate Doug Jones made opposition candidate Roy Moore’s horseback stunt look average this morning, as he barreled his way into a voting station parking lot in a monster truck.
Moore had raised a few smiles this morning as he trotted his way across a field on the back of his horse ‘Sassy’, making his way to a local voting station to cast his vote. But Jones, determined not to be outdone by the ex-mallrat, took it up a notch by getting a nice amount of hangtime in his Bigfoot Classic monster truck, painted in a classic “democrat blue” finish.
The move was also a surprise as he was believed to have cast an early vote days ago, however this was proved not to be the case.
“Outta my way, suckers! Doug’s in town baby, woo!”, he shouted as he gave the truck a handbrake turn in the parking lot before coming to a smoking stop, “Early vote? Hell no! Jonesin’ Jones is here in the flesh, ready to tick that box!”
“Ol’ Roy thinks he can upstage me by putting his Wild West lookin’ ass on the back of a pony and clippity-cloppin’ his way over there for a photo op? Hell no, let me show you how it’s done Roy. This is the American way, baby!”
Jones then proceeded to dust off his suit jacket and adjust his tie before making his way in, smiling and pointing at fellow voters in a Fonz-esque fashion.
Jones remained in the voting station for no more than five minutes, before clambering back into the 10ft high cab of the truck and screeching away in a plume of smoke.