Donald Trump Seeks Comfort Under Golden Arches

Potential Flynn testimony sends tantrum prone president to find happy place

Upon learning of Michael Flynn’s guilty plea and cooperation with the Russian Inquiry, Donald Trump is said to be extremely distraught. The president is so upset he canceled his twice daily meeting with daughter Ivanka, which consists of her sitting on his lap and calls him daddy for an hour. Instead, the man known as the Comb-over in Chief decided to head to a nearby McDonalds in search of comfort as well as a Happy Meal.

The President holds a very strong attraction to the logo of the fast food chain. Trump has repeatedly stated that the golden arches fuel his nostalgia for that luxurious suite in Russia. “The ladies that were hired to work the room were the best. Very attractive, though not as attractive as my daughter Ivanka. They made quite a splash in that hotel room, almost like a fountain. It made me feel bigly!” stated President Trump.

In light of Michael Flynn pleading guilty and possibly exposing the President, Trump is said to be in good spirits. A visit to McDonalds means food that appear proportional to the President’s minuscule hands. Members of Trump’s Secret Service detail also enjoy the trips, as the Happy Meal prize occupies POTUS and stops him from talking. A silent Trump is a rarity, and a welcome change by those who are protecting him.

President Trump had requested to bring a friend to share in the experience, however he was advised not to invite Roy Moore as that would put him within 200 feet of a play-land.

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