Welcome to a special Black Friday edition of Tech Sausage. I certainly hope you are recovering from the overdose of tryptophan laced turkey and shopping skirmishes. This week we highlight many of the products the parents of our readers of our parents probably purchased as holiday gifts this year.
iShart – Apple has not been an innovative company since 2009. Rather than come up with the next big thing, the company prefers to copy products by other companies because they know fans will purchase anything with the fruit logo. This year, the company is releasing a digital dipstick for measuring internal fecal matter. The rectally inserted iShart will finally answer the question “Is this fart to be trusted?“. Of course, this piece of tech will only be useful as long as Apple users are still equipped with an anus. We here at Tech Sausage predict that the anus will go the way of the headphone jack within the next year or so.
DVD Player – This particular media player has been unchanged for nearly two decades, which makes it the perfect gift for your parents. Let’s be honest, it is time to retire their VCR, and at least they will stop asking you to stop making it blink 12:00
Windows 95 – The perfect gift for the hipster who is into tech. This gift is acceptable to the fedora culture as it is old and obsolete, or could be viewed as ironic. Either way, I’m sure it will look great next to a pile of thrift store clothing and obscure vinyl.
Booze – We are nerds, and as such, the moment we arrive at any home for a holiday celebration, we will be bombarded with requests to fix existing technology as well as make the newly acquired gadgets work. If we are being honest, the exact moment your father hands you that apple shaped anal accessory, you will wish you were drunk.