WASHINGTON, D.C. - Now this is a game-changer. NPR updated its website this afternoon after yet another mass shooting, this time in California, and created a separate category called ‘Today’s Mass Shooting’.
The update, which is now live, has been created “in order to make it easier than ever to find out which innocent folk were gunned down today”. And after the recent uptick in this type of violence, this is more welcome than ever.
NPR spokesperson Richard Mitchell explained the decision.
“What with mass shootings becoming a daily occurrence, we felt that it was only right to give this type of news its own category”, he said. “I mean damn, we have NFL sections on news websites and even they only play games three days a week. This is completely justified.”
“We’re even in talks with various news channels to give a “mass shooting update” every few hours, kind of like they do with weather reports. “Alright, it’s 5pm, time for the weather with Jim and the mass shooting update with Susan.” Y’know, that type of thing.”
“With the regularity of these things and the lack of action being taken to fix it, we feel that it just makes it easier for everyone.”
NPR also confirmed that they still welcome any thoughts and prayers being posted to their Facebook page, which coincides perfectly with the news today that federal funding has been granted to five major U.S. airports for construction of dedicated thoughts and prayers shipping centers.
