Washington, DC - The culinary war has raged between Louisiana residents for decades about what ingredients are allowed in gumbo. On the west side of the river, the thought of tomatoes in the dish will send a Cajun into fits of rage. In Creole cuisine, it is very common to find tomatoes and other vegetables in a gumbo.
Fortunately, Donald Trump is settling this controversy once and for all after signing an executive order that declares tomatoes are indeed part of what is most likely the signature dish of Louisiana.
This executive order will likely cause food critics and self-proclaimed culinary experts in trailer parks across Louisiana to have a collective aneurysm.
“Tomatoes just don’t belong in gumbo!” stated local retiree Connie Broussard. “Gumbo is supposed to be chicken, sausage, and whatever meat I can find on clearance - with enough excessive vegetable oil on the top to compete with the 2010 BP oil spill.”
Unemployed oilfield worker David “T-Dave” Richoux of New Iberia was appalled that the candidate he voted for would mandate vegetables in gumbo.
“It’s bad enough that Moochelle Obummer wanted our kids to eat vegetables, but now God-Emperor Trump is forcing us to eat them in our gumbo. It’s as if he is completely out of touch with Louisiana, and America! Next thing we know he’s going to try to take our guns and ban pork.”
The executive order takes place as fall sets in across Louisiana and gumbo-making goes into overdrive. Fortunately, grocery stores and food pantries are set to provide culinary re-education for residents, starting with in-store signs guiding them to the neglected vegetable sections.
“I’m not sure what the big deal is. Gumbo is really a ridiculous dish anyhow.” said Donald Trump while signing the order, surrounded by Louisiana lawmakers. “It’s just tomatoes in a dish that looks like my 3am bowel movements. If these people who can’t even speak American properly want to keep complaining, I may sell the state back to France after all.”
