Area 51 – Ancient Aliens host Giorgio A. Tsoukalos is well-known for his show on the History Channel. Although his show regarding aliens has little to do with actual history, or pawn shops, or alligator hunting, he still draws in a large audience.
In a recent interview, Tsoukalos disclosed that he doesn’t believe in most of the stories and hypotheses that he presents. However, he claims that despite his lack of faith, Giorgio is still hoping that the show “Ancient Aliens” will draw interstellar travelers to Earth, so that they can probe the depths of his bowels.
Giorgio explained that he has been sexually attracted to alien beings ever since he saw Independence Day as a young man. In fact, the host of Ancient Aliens admitted that he watched the movie 8 times in the theater while repeatedly touching himself inappropriately.
It isn’t every day that a TV host is this honest, and we were able to obtain this brief statement from the host of Ancient Aliens before what will likely be his last show. Well, at least the last one in this solar system, with the possible exception of a broadcast from Uranus.
“I can’t help myself. Earth women want nothing to do with me, but I firmly believe that there is something, somewhere out in the cosmos that will fulfill my fantasies. A lot of people take this show as fact. I’m just in it for the anal probes.
I go to sleep at night with the knowledge that in the vastness of the universe, math dictates that an alien being exists that owns a probe meant just for me. I know it’s a long shot, but I don’t want to die a cosmos virgin.”
Giorgio was last seen trying to penetrate the perimeter of Area 51 with a backpack full of KY and InfoWars supplements. We will certainly miss him.
In related news, the History Channel plans to replace his show with rebooted episodes of “Swamp People” narrated by Neil deGrasse Tyson.