BRENHAM, TX – In an effort to reassure the general public that their products are still like crack for the elderly, Blue Bell today confirmed that all saliva found on their ice cream products is 100% organic, Non-GMO and actually very tasty.
After separate incidents in the past few weeks in which two people were seen to lick ice cream before putting it back in the grocery store freezer, Blue Bell held an impromptu press conference today led by spokesperson Joshua Erving to quell fears that this was unhealthy.
“We’ve seen reports out there that eating previously-licked Blue Bell ice cream is “dangerous” and “bad for your health”, said Mr. Erving, “Completely untrue. In fact, our team of researchers have indeed concluded that every drop of saliva found on our products are organic, non-GMO and taste great.
Not only that, but it adds a delicious slippery texture that makes your Blue Bell experience a little different. A little new. A little exciting.
In fact we’re proud to say that this is our biggest game-changer since our highly-successful listeria flavor release a few years ago, and y’all loved that shit. We hope you love this one just as much.”
Saliva can be found in approximately 1 in 100,000 Blue Bell flavors – will you be one of the lucky ones to try it?