Lafayette, LA – Lafayette Parish deputies made a huge bust Wednesday night, confiscating approximately $5,000 in Girl Scout cookies, and 3 hemp bracelets which law enforcement officials deemed to be a threat to public health.
Lafayette Parish Sheriff’s Department spokeswoman Fois Barber claimed that the investigation was short, and was based on complaints from absolutely nobody.
“This is a slippery slope. The packaging on Thin Mints is green, which is the same color used by marijuana traffickers to promote their agenda. We can’t definitively prove that the Girl Scouts are coordinating with MS-13 to smuggle hemp products across the border, but the coincidences just keep adding up like the potholes on our poorly-funded roads.
Trafficking is a huge issue in our parish. Thin Mints could very well be a gateway to shady massage parlors and sex slavery. Just ask our congressman.
Anyone who we have tried to contact regarding the alleged differences regarding Thin Mints, CBD oil, and marijuana have long left the state for greener pastures.”
Fois Barber has confirmed the Lafayette agency will now target St. Patrick’s Day next year, just to make sure nobody is secretly smoking their shirts.