Heaven, Milky Way – After smiting a planet 100 light years away, God has turned his eye back to Earth. Signals from the Bible Belt, a region of the United States that claims to be his biggest fans, are really pissing him off.
“When those idiots who mangled my 15, now 10 commandments, went on about how a man shouldn’t lay with another man as he did with a woman, I really should have just sent another flood to finish this failed experiment off. I guess those cousin-touching idiots in Oklahoma and the rest of the Bible Belt didn’t get the message with all of the meteorological blowjobs I’ve sent their way.”
Sources in Heaven claim that Jesus has postponed his return yet again, and is currently steering the Sweet Meteor of Death towards an impact zone somewhere in the Bible Belt.