WASHINGTON, D.C. – After yet another school shooting yesterday in Santa Fe, TX, congress have pushed through an emergency bill that will see school classroom security increased tenfold by making them inflatable and bouncy and surely capable of seeing any bullet twang right back at the perpetrator.
Members of Capitol Hill were pulled away from their bougie luncheons and NRA meetings today to advance the bill despite it being a weekend.
The bill passed successfully after every single republican was convinced that giving schools bouncy walls was flawless logic, leaving many of them wondering why this hadn’t been enacted earlier.
President Trump is believed to be a big supporter of the emergency bill, and it is expected to land in his desk on Monday when he returns from probably playing golf or something.
He is not expected to veto it.