Politics

Betsy DeVos Requests Federal Funding For Increase Of Thoughts And Prayers Within Schools

She hopes to put an end to gun violence.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos ramped up the war on gun related violence in schools today, by requesting additional federal funding in order to increase the amounts of thoughts and prayers within the U.S. school system.

The request comes on the back of the shocking yet completely unsurprising news of yet another school shooting – this time in Miami – that has so far left 14 people dead.



DeVos was quick to point the finger at ex-president Barack Obama, claiming that the decrease in funding of thoughts and prayers has led to an unprecedented increase in mass shootings in schools and on campuses.

“It’s clear to me that these senseless tragedies are a direct result of Obama cutting thoughts and prayers budgets throughout the school system”, she said, “We need to increase them again.”

“The dangerously low amount of thoughts and prayers throughout our schools is having a detrimental effect. It’s a well known fact that the only way we can bring these school shootings to an end is to pump more thoughts and prayers into these types of places.”

“Barack Obama carelessly and recklessly decreased this budget in order to push nasty agendas such as BLT and other gay and hobosexamal things, instead of focusing on things that actually make a difference such as thoughts and prayers.”



“I have been in contact with President Trump to see if we can bring that funding back to a level that our students deserve.”

“He has also reminded me to inform you that this is somehow Hillary’s fault also.”

With President Trump’s budget proposal currently in progress, it’ll be interesting to see how this request fits in to his plans.

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Guybrush Threepwood

Hi, I'm Guybrush. Not Gorbush, not Frygosh, not Monsieur Tweephood, and certainly not Mr. Spicecake. Guybrush. I used to desperately want to be a pirate, however after many fruitless endeavors and being involved in a number of monkey-related incidents and quarrels with a chap named LeChuck, I turned my attentions to my second love - journalism. I'm here to bring you the latest news from here, there and everywhere. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or later tonight.

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2 thoughts on “Betsy DeVos Requests Federal Funding For Increase Of Thoughts And Prayers Within Schools”

  1. Just to be clear the incident did not occur in Miami. Please react your story. It occurred in Broward County, specifically in a city called Parkland, which in North of Miami-Dade County. Thank you.

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