U.S.

NICE: Trump Jr. Gets Sweet Deal On White House Christmas Tree From Some Guy At Boston Docks

"This thing is 100% pure Serbian spruce, Donny boy. Yours for $50, only got three of 'em left."

BOSTON, MA – They don’t say that the Trump’s are the top dealmakers for no reason, y’know. With the Christmas season fast approaching, Donald Trump Jr. last night secured a great deal after purchasing this year’s official White House Christmas tree from a man at Boston docks.

Under the darkness of midnight at the Port of Boston, Trump Jr. finalized the deal with a local businessman who for some reason wished to remain anonymous – we assume for legal reasons.



“This thing is 100% pure Serbian spruce, Donny boy. Yours for fifty bucks, only got three of ’em left.”, the seller somewhat enthusiastically told Trump Jr., “Only the finest for you, you know that. Direct from the friend of a half-brother of a guy I know over in Bosnia. Real trustworthy guy, only sends me the creme de la creme of trees. I can get you more if you need them.”

An unsure Trump Jr. was then seen looking over both shoulders and scouting the surrounding area.

“Look, Donny. I ain’t got all night. I gotta make a Chinatown run after this to some guy who wants one of these for the lobby of his take-out. I’m telling you, they’re in demand. We got a deal?”



The tree, although half-heartedly taped up inside what seemed to be a pre-lit Christmas tree box, was scooped up by Trump Jr. as he handed over fifty $1 bills and thrown in the back of an unmarked transit van, before it was seen screeching away towards the port exit.

The news comes amid reports that Melania Trump Рfresh from returning from their Asia Trip is set to accept the official White House Christmas tree on Monday. The tree is then set to go on display in White House Blue Room, as is tradition Рalthough the Trumps are expected to spend the holiday at their home in Palm Beach, Florida.

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Guybrush Threepwood

Hi, I'm Guybrush. Not Gorbush, not Frygosh, not Monsieur Tweephood, and certainly not Mr. Spicecake. Guybrush. I used to desperately want to be a pirate, however after many fruitless endeavors and being involved in a number of monkey-related incidents and quarrels with a chap named LeChuck, I turned my attentions to my second love - journalism. I'm here to bring you the latest news from here, there and everywhere. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or later tonight.

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